Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
why can't i just get pregnant
it really suxs that larry has a low sperm count. we can't even get medical assistance b/c we arent married and my insurance doesn't cover invitro. i just hope one day i do get pregnant. i feel empty, i want to cry, but i'm more angry then sad. i want to scream, throw stuff. i am fertile murtle lol. i am eating healthy, i lost 27lbs, i excersize, take my prenatals, my vitimin d, i take my lamictal, hopefully thats not the case. i haven't been intimate with larry since sat. i feel lonely and i need him to pay attention to me, i topld him and we cuddled on the couch. i feel like i wish i was on vacation again. i don't want to clean today. i cleaned 2 weeks ago, i feel sad jellybeans gone, i know i'm not pregnant and i'm so angry. did i mention i'm pissed. i hate this. it was perfect aug 9th i would have been due. i prayed, i tried to stay positive. i really tried. we were intimate before and after ovulation. this really suxs. i thought it would be a nice xmas present after i had been almost a mth pregnant, yeah it woiuld be hard to keep this secret, but i did good with disney. really shocked nick. i am going to the gym friday, to clear my mind from bs. i need to relax. i brought a book to bring to counseling and my journal. i really love writing in it. helps me get through this. also my reborns. i enjoy dressing them, holding them. giving the reborns i'm painting a bath. feels like if i have a real baby. also i have a small pink bottle i pose them with :) i have cup and a spoon nick got as a baby. i have my sisters christening gown, nick's baptism outfit and a outfit nick's father gave him. i am going to dress and take pic's possibly today. i have to straighten up the house first. sweep, mop, vaccum. clean toilet. clean the stove, counter tops. do laundry. i have things to keep me busy. i'm greatful for that. i'll do some yoga today. need my mind clear and relaxed.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
this started from a good day to a shitty day...
i weighed myself this morning the way my friend crystol told me to and guess what i lost another 2lbs. a total of 27lbs lost! 213lbs now woot!45lbs to go. then mom called , our family cat that lived at my parents house passed away. i am sad, i cried for a lil bit, but i know she's with god now. but it hurts that i didn't get to say goodbye. i haven't been there in 2 weeks :(
Me and Larry started trying again. I am thinking postive praying for a baby girl. i really want to be pregnant. we want our Victoria Elizabeth badly. if af comes, WHICH I PRAY SHE DONT!!!! in Jan we are trying again. We are getting married by commitment ceremony in Sept. I don't care if i'm 8mths pregnant or less. i just don't want to deliever the month of our wedding. i'm praying every day this is the perfect month, i'll be due aug 11th and i'll have a month to lose weight for my wedding. i'm going to continue to eat healthy and excersize while pregnant. i am going to jump with joy when i see a BFP!!! send me lots of baby dust please!!!
I've been reborning life like dolls, i've sold 3 already, waiting on my 4th to sell. i love it, it's relaxing and rewarding to make affordable dolls for women and i am going to be making child's play dolls once my odorless paint thinner comes in. filed a claim with the post office. I own reborn's as well. i made 2 for my personal collection. i have 5 reborns. I also have 2 paradise gallery dolls, 2 berenguers and 1 ashton drake, tiny miracles ashley, she has a breathing battery box.
My son is doing good in 2nd grade, taking him to all the specialsts so he's up to date on his health. we went to fl and he was shocked. we saw disney and universal studios. also island of adventures. bought presents for my family for x-mas already. a few more things to get. working on losing more weight and being happy. ttys! tareena :)
Me and Larry started trying again. I am thinking postive praying for a baby girl. i really want to be pregnant. we want our Victoria Elizabeth badly. if af comes, WHICH I PRAY SHE DONT!!!! in Jan we are trying again. We are getting married by commitment ceremony in Sept. I don't care if i'm 8mths pregnant or less. i just don't want to deliever the month of our wedding. i'm praying every day this is the perfect month, i'll be due aug 11th and i'll have a month to lose weight for my wedding. i'm going to continue to eat healthy and excersize while pregnant. i am going to jump with joy when i see a BFP!!! send me lots of baby dust please!!!
I've been reborning life like dolls, i've sold 3 already, waiting on my 4th to sell. i love it, it's relaxing and rewarding to make affordable dolls for women and i am going to be making child's play dolls once my odorless paint thinner comes in. filed a claim with the post office. I own reborn's as well. i made 2 for my personal collection. i have 5 reborns. I also have 2 paradise gallery dolls, 2 berenguers and 1 ashton drake, tiny miracles ashley, she has a breathing battery box.
My son is doing good in 2nd grade, taking him to all the specialsts so he's up to date on his health. we went to fl and he was shocked. we saw disney and universal studios. also island of adventures. bought presents for my family for x-mas already. a few more things to get. working on losing more weight and being happy. ttys! tareena :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
So much has been going on
We decided to postponed trying for a baby. There's no time planned. We are looking foward to our trip to NC in 3mths! I'm getting a second opinion for Nick's diagnosis. He was diagnosed with ADHD & PDD. I really feel it was a misdiagnosis. We'll see what happens with that, theres a great center called the cody center, works with all mental disorders. Been spring cleaning, onated some clothes and things to the LUPUS foundation. Went to see rango with the family. Wasn't Johnny depps's best movie. it was somewhat funny. hubby fell asleep while watching it. lol. i lost 2lbs, been going to the gym 2 a week and eating healthier. Made corn beef monday it was good. I'm having trouble sleeping. I've been trying to go to bed earlier. its sorta working. last night i went to bed at 11pm. compared to 12am i go to sleep at. it would be nice to go down to 10:30pm sleeping. all my shows are on at night time. i could watch them during the day. i have on demand. i have no excuses. I am mildly depressed. Been trying to get myself out of it. reading books again & my magazines, listening to my music. i'm going to the gym in 15mins ttyl.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentine's day!!!!!!!
I will start off with Happy valentines day everyone!!! My fiance` got me a edible arrangements fruit basket.On friday we went out to eat a friendly's, then to Jilly's Bar and we met some pretty chill couple. we made friends :) I love him..sooo sweet!!! Helping me with my weight loss ( i weigh 211) lost 4lbs so far :) ( i go to the gym 2-3x a week) didn't get me chocolates my man is awesome. I bought our son a spiderman shirt& box of chocolates, a v-day cookie and some sweethearts. I am supposed to clean the house today. I will in a few hrs. I've got 4hrs. then i need to shower and get some HW done with Nick when he gets home and then get ready for Nick's doc appointment. Cooking dinner, watching tv or playing toys with nick& Larry, maybe a board game. Shower for Nick and then bedtime. That's our schedule.
I'm a SAHM. I take care of our cat Kit Kat who's a tortiseshell and is 5 1/2 mths. We all live together. We just moved in a month ago. Me & larry have been together 1yr and 7 months it will be on the 22nd. We are currently TTC our first child together. My 2nd child. Larry loves Nick as his own and is a great daddy. :) Nick is 7 yrs old and both me and Larry are 28 WE both went to the same HS and were aquantices. Now we are in Love and happy. :) I lived on my own for a yr after moving out of my parents house before me and Larry moved into our new apt together. We got a special and right across from my old apt building. We didn't have to rent a uhaul and larry's parent's borrowed hand carts from their jobs to help us move.
I'm italian& german. I have an associates in Early childhood education. Was a teacher 5 yrs, babysitter for 2 yrs for a hampton's working couple & babysat my nephews for a few yrs. I enjoy being a SAHM and we are looking forward to having another child in the house, yes they'll be 7 yrs+ apart but it's worth it, b/c our son will be more understanding and he is mostly independant, that will be helpful and potty trained, sleeps in his own bed, he is in 1st grade. i get happy when he needs me to do stuff for him, b/c i feel needed. my baby is growing up toofast. when i look at his baby photos i miss those times i said omg i wish he'd grow fast and i was so busy, i had student teaching, college, work and taking care of a baby. thank god for my mom , being a single parent wasn't easy.
Nick's father wasn't there at all, he visited ever 6 mths then he moved to FL and it was 2 yrs before he saw him again, it's sad, but after awhile we got used to it and just didn't bother, he saw him once last yr and we haven't heard from him since. He pays child support whenever and i don't rely on it to help me get through.We recieve disability so we are grateful the gov't helps us with finical help with Nick having asthma, the cost of his nebulizer, meds for the nebulizer would be hard for me, i can't even find a job and recently i had a majior depression episode. i finally got out of and now i'm functioning well. he gets sick a lot due to his weak immune system part our our syndrome Ehlers Danlos syndrome. He is at risk for bipolar, since i have it and so does Nick's father. We havea lot of medical challenges but we don't let it bother us, it's not about the quantity of life, it's the quality.
I can't marry Larry b/c we'd lose disability and then we'd be screwed b/c Larry doesn't make enough to support us with just his money. we make close to 3,000 with our combined income. So we are comfortable living together not married and we are going to wait 5 yrs see if Larry makes 5-6 more dollars an hr and then we'll get married b/c he'll be able to support us on just his income. We are grateful for Larry, he takes good care of us and treats us like gold. He's the best fiance& father a woman & child could have.
I've written a lot and now i'm going to go. hope i make some friends soon. :) Tareena
I'm a SAHM. I take care of our cat Kit Kat who's a tortiseshell and is 5 1/2 mths. We all live together. We just moved in a month ago. Me & larry have been together 1yr and 7 months it will be on the 22nd. We are currently TTC our first child together. My 2nd child. Larry loves Nick as his own and is a great daddy. :) Nick is 7 yrs old and both me and Larry are 28 WE both went to the same HS and were aquantices. Now we are in Love and happy. :) I lived on my own for a yr after moving out of my parents house before me and Larry moved into our new apt together. We got a special and right across from my old apt building. We didn't have to rent a uhaul and larry's parent's borrowed hand carts from their jobs to help us move.
I'm italian& german. I have an associates in Early childhood education. Was a teacher 5 yrs, babysitter for 2 yrs for a hampton's working couple & babysat my nephews for a few yrs. I enjoy being a SAHM and we are looking forward to having another child in the house, yes they'll be 7 yrs+ apart but it's worth it, b/c our son will be more understanding and he is mostly independant, that will be helpful and potty trained, sleeps in his own bed, he is in 1st grade. i get happy when he needs me to do stuff for him, b/c i feel needed. my baby is growing up toofast. when i look at his baby photos i miss those times i said omg i wish he'd grow fast and i was so busy, i had student teaching, college, work and taking care of a baby. thank god for my mom , being a single parent wasn't easy.
Nick's father wasn't there at all, he visited ever 6 mths then he moved to FL and it was 2 yrs before he saw him again, it's sad, but after awhile we got used to it and just didn't bother, he saw him once last yr and we haven't heard from him since. He pays child support whenever and i don't rely on it to help me get through.We recieve disability so we are grateful the gov't helps us with finical help with Nick having asthma, the cost of his nebulizer, meds for the nebulizer would be hard for me, i can't even find a job and recently i had a majior depression episode. i finally got out of and now i'm functioning well. he gets sick a lot due to his weak immune system part our our syndrome Ehlers Danlos syndrome. He is at risk for bipolar, since i have it and so does Nick's father. We havea lot of medical challenges but we don't let it bother us, it's not about the quantity of life, it's the quality.
I can't marry Larry b/c we'd lose disability and then we'd be screwed b/c Larry doesn't make enough to support us with just his money. we make close to 3,000 with our combined income. So we are comfortable living together not married and we are going to wait 5 yrs see if Larry makes 5-6 more dollars an hr and then we'll get married b/c he'll be able to support us on just his income. We are grateful for Larry, he takes good care of us and treats us like gold. He's the best fiance& father a woman & child could have.
I've written a lot and now i'm going to go. hope i make some friends soon. :) Tareena
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